I’ve actually already introduced this toon before, but what the hey, why not give him a spotlight treatment? Meet Commander Congilla, my KDF Tactical Captain, made from an “Alien” template. As a character, Cong is potentially my favorite because he has a unique look, having taking advantage of STO’s character customization engine to make a character exactly to my specifications.
Anywho. I don’t know if it’s obvious or not, but I love monkeys. Monkeys are always funny! Is it any surprise that Planet of the Apes is one of my favorite franchises? (P.S. As one Ape noted: Apes are not monkeys. Monkeys are further down the evolutionary ladder, just above humans) I have mentioned that I wouldn’t mind seeing a Star Trek/Planet of the Apes crossover! Well Congilla and his gang are my way of doing that on STO.
Here’s Cong’s bio, as seen in-game: Congilla and most of his crew come from a distant planet… commonly known as Planet of the Apes! He and his primitive kind are so brutal that they even impressed the Klingons, who welcome the Apes into the KDF. Now they fly in a Klingon ship, where they throw stuff at anyone who looks at them the wrong way, and they swing around the bridge and have banana soup in the mess hall.
Yeah yeah, I know, it’s a bit cheeky, but what do you expect when it comes to monkeys? 😉
I’m being deliberately vague in the bio about the origins of the Apes: are they an alien species who just happened to mirror earth’s evolutionary path? Or are they transplanted primates from Earth? Hyperevolutionized or genetically-altered super-apes? Time-displaced apes from the far future? Welllllll, I’m keeping that a secret so that maybe someday when I try my hand at crafting Foundry Missions, this can be a storyline to unravel.
In any case, the Apes were a pre-warp species when the Klingons discovered them, but their planet is super-lush and super-rich in natural resources. The Klingons wanted to harvest the resources, but soon found out the native Apes didn’t monkey around; at the time Ape technology was the equivalent of 19th-to-20th Century Earth (used assault rifles and body armor, but rode large ungulates as transportation… you know, horses) so were no match against the Klingons in open battle, but Apes were utterly ferocious in hand-in-hand combat and masters of gorilla…. uh, guerilla warfare. The… ahem… Conquest of the Planet of the Apes was far more costly than the Klingons anticipated; they ultimately convinced the Apes to surrender by both banana-and-stick — Apes would be welcome into the Empire and protected, and learn to travel to the stars. Refusing the generous offer, however, came with the promise of orbital bombardment. After throwing things (ideas!) around and pounding their collective chests for a bit, the Ape leaders chose to accept the Klingon terms.
In the next two hundred years the Apes… aped Klingon technology and culture. They served on Klingon ships, embraced disruptors (poop-shooters) and bat’leths (banana-peelers), and adopted Klingon honor. Because Apes are so immensely strong and fast, yet less resilient than Klingons, they wisely sidestepped Klingon’s preference for death-duels and instead developed ritualistic combat to settle arguments. On the other hand, Apes never gave up on their favorite ungulates.
Congilla comes from a long line of distinguished military leaders of his world, who have long held the belief that they can do better than serve the Klingons. Congilla himself is no exception; after rising through the military hierarchy in his Pod-City, he chose to enlist in the KDF to learn about the Klingons first hand. Serving as a marine and then tactical officer, Congilla saw extensive action in various confrontations with the Federation in the last 10 years; one important thing he learned from fighting the Federation was the fact that he absolutely despised HUMANS, whom he affectionately calls “Mankeys”. Oh the way they’re so self-important. Their history of violence and abuse, but now they’re all moighty-toighty. Being hairless makes you look like a mole-rat, joik! Hate ’em, hate ’em, hate ’em. Just thinking about them drives him, er, apesh*t.
Through diligent (read: brutal and savage) service to the Empire, Congilla eventually gained command of his own ship, the IKS Simius. With great relish he unleashed his rage upon the Federation dogs, but alas, the fun times were destined not to last. The war with the Federation fizzled to a skirmish, then a pitiful cease-fire. When the Iconian threat was revealed, the Empire actually allied itself with the Federation, which was pretty much a “WTF?” moment for Congilla. And then he discovered he hated the Heralds even more, because those cheaters all have ridiculous ground and space stats. GRRRRRR. Unsurprisingly, Congilla was among those who wholeheartedly supported use of the Krenim weapon to wipe out the Iconians… regardless of the consequences. Something about time travel and alternate realities always ending up with Apes winning.
And now that the Iconian War is over? Well it’s time for Congilla and his crew to get back to dealing with the Damned Dirty Mankeys. Here is a list of the senior command staff of the IKS Simius:
Congilla – Commander, Captain of the IKS Simius, Warlord of Thade City, Male Chimpanzee. He rules the crew with an iron opposable thumb, and tolerates no insubordination. Ruthless and reckless in battle, Congilla has an explosive temper that goes from zero to sixty in half a second. He’s known to pound a snotty Deferi diplomat into red paste with his bare fists, for insulting the cooking of the ship’s chef, and giving the finger to the snotty House of Torg Counciler on the High Council floor for daring to ask for a battle report. Congilla doesn’t do frakkin’ reports! The KDF has made sure the IKS Simius is never sent out official diplomatic missions.
Koba – First Officer of the IKS Simius. Male Bonobo. If there is one Ape who hates humans more than Congilla, that would be Koba. A vicious hand-to-hand fighter, Koba fought the Federation during the Hromi battles. During a raid, he personally gutted three humans in offensive red shirts and was about to neuter a fourth when he was shot in the face bya phaser blast. Koba’s dashing good looks were ruined, and he bore an undying hatred since then (especially for the fur-faced human trash who shot him). Koba can be very unruly and growly at times, and Congilla has had to beat the tar out of him a few times to keep him in line.
Ook-Ook – Chief Tactical Officer of the IKS Simius. Female Orangtuan. The most beautiful and sexiest female creature in the Milky Way, even more so than those yummy Orion girls, Ook-Ook also has attitude in spades. She’s loud, bombastic, and fearless in battle. Favorite battle tactic is to repeatedly mash the “fire” button with both fists until the enemy is dead. Everyone is a bit afraid of Ook-Ook because when she doesn’t get her way, she screeches, screams and howls so loud she gives everyone vertigo and makes everyone throw up their lunch.
Doctor Zaius – Chief Medical Officer. Male Orangtuan. The foremost intellectual of Congilla’s crew, Doctor Zaius is an older Orangtuan and an esteemed physician; unfortunately he has bad bedside manners and also a little bit sociopathic, so no one likes to be treated by him — which suits him just fine because he’d rather read and eat banana cake alone. He is fascinated with alien species unfamiliar to him, including humans, and never turns down an opportunity to examine (and experiment on) them.. especially on their mating behaviors. >.> <.< Zaius also greatly enjoys social grooming where he is the groomee, and insists on carrying out this ritual even with alien species (anything with hair, that is).
Ursus – Chief Engineering Officer, Male Gorilla. Ursus is massively strong, brutish, and slow to anger, but once he’s pissed off… LOOK OUT. He is unquestioning loyal to Congilla, and anyone thinking about double-crossing the Commander should take a close look at Ursus’ mighty fists as well. Despite his brutish appearance, Ursus is an exceptional engineer who is a wiz in fabrication when he’s not lounging about scratching his belly. He is frequently frustrated by the inability of his gigantic stinking paws to manipulate small objects such as a standard tricorder or a monkeywrench, and takes out his frustrations by pounding on his chest, howling at the top of his lungs, and throwing stuff.
Zira – Tactical Officer, Female Japanese Macaque. Zira is Ook-Ook’s right hand monkey and long-suffering subordinate; she is also a much calmer presence than the Orangtuan. Unfortunately Zira is both jumpy and paranoid; when she is startled (which happens every time someone walks in a room), Zira has a tendency to leap on to the nearest elevated surface, jump up and down and screech a lot, and maybe throw some stuff. In her private time Zira loves to take long steam baths and soak till she melts, where she can comfortably doze off.
Bonogogo – Chief of Securty, Male Stump-tailed Macaque. Smallest of the Simius’ senior officers, Bonogogo is also an ex-marine whose duties were akin to those of an attack dog. Nowadays he is particularly valuable as security because most other species overlook his tiny size and dismiss him. Bonogogo is more cunning than intelligent, and is also very fond of pranks (both harmlessly vicious, or viciously harmless); these tend to earn him the wrath of his crew mates, at which point his small size again becomes key in helping him escape. His main frustration is his difficulty in handling heavy weapons; he is often assigned to carry the largest and heaviest piece of artillery of the Away Team. Bonogogo enjoys nuts, picking fleas out of hair and slapping people who annoy him.
Also, there are times when Congilla needs to blend in with his Klingon coworkers, such as at staff performance reviews or spying on them to make sure they’re not badmouthing the Apes. When such a need arises, Dr. Zaius applies a Klingon disguise to Congilla, who then adopts the alias “K’Kong of the House of Morn’Ki”. He’s not sure why he still gets odd looks from the Klingons, but that usually goes away after a half dozen bloodwines anyway so he’s not too worried.
So there you have it! If you ever have the misfortune of running into Congilla in-game, now you know what kind of business he means! 😉