Mother of Patches


This is not a mother joke! Last night Cryptic dropped the latest patch notes with an unprecedented number of fixes and new features outside of an episode. Looks almost like there is a new slavemaster cracking the whip at the Cryptic office, or Cryptic programmers finally saw their paycheck for the first time!

Fixes are good; in recent days there has been more bugs in the game than when I first started playing STO! Ever since Agents of Yesterday hit, a bunch of things got wonky. My Scimitar’s wings no longer open, the Mercury’s engines no longer slide back, waitresses glide around, dead people stand up before dying again, people standing rather than sitting on chairs, cameras focusing on my Boff’s chins etc. Mostly little things that annoy but not necessarily game-breaking, y’know. Some of the little fixes in this patch address these, which sound odd when taken as standalone statements:

  • Dead Undine no longer move.
    • This should be like someone’s motto, as in, “Sir, I swear I shot that Undine dead!” “Well ensign, shoot it again and make sure that DEAD UNDINE NO LONGER MOVE.”
  • Worf’s brows no longer covers his eyes in some contact windows.
    • Tagline for Klingon haircare product commercial?
  • Eyes no longer occasionally pop out when a player sits down.
    • My eyes pop out all the time when I sit down and see the going exchange rate.


The additions are a new episode “Echoes of Light”, the new K13 Fleet Holding, and the ground Kit revamp. I can’t help but feel the latter two are just going to add to the current power creep, with K13 adding a bunch of superior traits, powers, gear and Boff/Doffs to the mix, and the Kit revamp finally bringing the power creep problem to ground combat. On the other hand, isn’t K13 introducing some potentially useful Engineering Consoles? It would be good to shove off the current meta that Engineering Console slots are only useful as dumping ground for universals.

“Echoes of Light” is going to be about the Alliance guiding the Lukari on their first interstellar exploratory steps; there’s even an anniversary Lukari ship which design is currently being voted on by the player community. Obviously no one has played it yet, but I find it jarring that the Lukari are hitting the interstellar spaceways with a T6 ship right off the bat. Does anyone remember Enterprise? Earth started off with a T1 ship! It took us 300 years to get to T6, man, and Starfleet/KDF/Romulan are still operating a variety of T1-T5 vessels in their fleets. The Lukari have no business flying a T6 ships as their civilization’s first ship; they should’ve been given a stripped-down T1 Miranda and BE HAPPY ABOUT IT!

Another big new feature is the new improved lighting system that runs with DirectX 11. Being a very visually-oriented person, this is easily my biggest anticipation of the update! A good new lighting system can make everything feel fresh! I just hope it’s not going to tax my laptop’s performance too much and make the game unplayable. Fingers crossed.

Anywho this is a big patch. There was a 4Gb pre-patch last night, and by many accounts there’s another one of similar size today. Get ready to go crazy!


9 thoughts on “Mother of Patches

  1. Excellent news; I hope they really do fix bugs rather than create more of them. If I can play tonight, I’ll patch it and check it out.


    1. Unsurprisingly, there are already reports of the new patch breaking things left right and center. It’s already dicey when they make a code change at that level, when they touch things like graphics versions and so on.


      1. I managed to get on last night and didn’t have too many issues; the only thing was that my kit and kit modules had disappeared, but later reappeared in my inventory after a while.


  2. All these bug fixes made me happy. But i do have to admit to one mildly inappropriate thought:
    “eyes no longer pop out when a player sits down” made me wonder what the invisible people in the chair are doing that was making people’s eyes pop out.

    If you don’t quite get that thought, last year tacofangs posted some images and an explanation of how they implemented the sitting emote in the game engine. Basically they put invisible npcs in the chair and you are actually sitting on the invisible person’s lap, not on an empty piece of furniture.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That would explain why several (maybe all?) of my boffs weren’t actually sitting in the seats themselves, but sort of sitting in mid-air above the seats. It’s one of numerous bizarre graphical glitches in the game.

      Another, shall we say, “awkward” thing I’ve noticed is that if any of my female boffs were wearing skirts while sitting down and facing me, they, uh… well, let’s just say they gave me a bit more than I bargained for. I discovered it by accident one day while on my bridge, and it made me facepalm and blush a bit. lol

      I mean, couldn’t the devs at least make them cross their legs (like with the “sitting in the captain’s chair” emote) or something? I was wondering how it could be that no one caught that during development.

      Anyway, right then an executive decision was made regarding uniforms, and they’ve all been wearing the standard “capris” (TOS uniform pants) ever since.


      1. There, fixed. 😉

        They used to sit in chairs just fine, until that was broken by one of the big patches (Was it AOY? It’s getting easy to blame it). There must be a pile of invisible NPCs sitting in chairs now.

        And stop peeking up your Boffs’ skirts! But you see why Heidy is wearing shorts these days instead of skirts. >.>


  3. Hey, I wasn’t peeking up their skirts; honestly it hadn’t even occurred to me until one day when they were facing me while sitting with their legs wide open and I saw it. Hence they’ve been wearing pants from then on.


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