Top 5 and Bottom 5 Star Trek Online Ships: Space Barbie Edition

I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that most STO players play the game for ships; heck, it’s pretty clear that’s Cryptic’s main source of income! And who can blame them/us? Flying starships in the Star Trek universe is what sets the game apart from every other MMO out there, so we should all proudly embrace this!

There are literally hundreds of playable ships in-game now. It’s a mixed bag of canon ships seen in the TV shows and movies, a handful of non-canon designs used in Trek-related works, and original Cryptic designs. There are a lot of very good-looking, sexy ships, but also a good number of absolute stinkers. Here are my top and bottom 5 choices!

Also caveat: Like any beauty contest, this list is entirely subjective! So with no further ado, here are my Top 5.

No. 5 – Vorgon Ships

vorgon_battleshipI don’t know, maybe it’s because we just got the Ryn’kodan that I’m ranking the Vorgon ships so high… but both the carrier and last year’s Xyfius rock sleek and attractive designs. The Ryn’kodan looks almost like it’s a Babylon 5 design, or a Mon Calamari MC80 cruiser (it’s a Trap!), and it’s beautiful.

No. 4 – Klingon Pilot Raptors

24cea8d527be52dde934e0b279e064901430925037Arguable the best-looking Klingon ships by far, these sleek machines look like the sports car version of the Bird-of-Prey, flattened to be aerodynamic, fast and deadly. With their native black hulls, the Klingon pilot raptors are sinister-looking. My only complaint is that they’re really tiny; if they were a bit bigger these guys would be intimidating!

No. 3 – Xindi Narcine

601d72622dbba295f1d0c5b5fc032f921405623482I loved this design the first time I saw it on TV. Wow, it’s so different than everything else seen before and the flowing contours even manage to convey the aquatic nature of the… well, Xindi Aquatics.

 

No. 2 – Romulan Vastam Command Battlecruiser

rkcpj7nI just got this over the weekend and WOW! This thing is a beauty! Actually the Deihu is just as pretty, with the too-bird-like Baratan trailing behind them, but overall they all look great. The Vastam has now replaced my Reman captain Xymok’s Kara — I actually quite enjoy the fat War Owl, but it turns so poorly I needed something else. In addition to its top-tier trait, the Vastam fulfills both form and function, a rare combination!

No. 1 – Odyssey/Sovereign

ticonderoga_aegis_001So I’m cheating a bit here by double-dipping the Odyssey and the Sovereign, but they share many design elements: oval, elongated saucer, a streamlined silhouette, stretched out hull and nacelles. If the Sovereign is representative of Star Trek TNG movies, then the Odyssey can be considered the literal “poster child” of Star Trek Online. Both take the most identifiable aspects of traditional Federation designs, and improve upon them.

Hold on a minute! No Connie, or Konnie on this list? What blasphemy is this, you say? Well this is actually a good opportunity to discuss the problem I have with the Kelvin Konnie’s design.enterprisebeyond

In profile, the Konnie looks awesome. Based on that I would rate her second to the Odyssey, maybe even first because of the iconic look. The part that I don’t like with the design is the placement of the nacelles; the top view shows how close the nacelles are to each other. It gives the impression that this ship has a narrow center of gravity, and will probably tip over if you nudge it. The pylons come up at too steep an angle, causing this odd look. If only they angled the pylons properly like the original Enterprise, this would’ve been a perfect ship.


Having soothed your eyes (and soul) with such sleek, sexy designs, it’s time to look at the opposite end of the spectrum. And when I say opposite, it doesn’t necessarily mean ugly (though it helps), but that some of them are just unattractive or uninspired. Here are the Top (or Bottom) 5 Eyesores of STO ships!

No. 5 – Klingon An’quat Command Battlecruiser/Federation Envoy Class

nick-quackenbush-klg-war-command-battlecruiser-an-quat-class-1There are any number of ships that can go in this slot, but I picked the An’quat Command BC. I’m not sure what happened here, when the Romulan Command BC’s look soooo good! This thing looks like it’s got a bunch of trapezoid shapes bolted together, and a fire extinguisher nozzle stuck in front. Yuck. What is this, a vacuum cleaner?

star-trek-online-20091130020800446

I suppose I could also put the Envoy class cruiser in this slot. It’s a variant of the basic Exploration cruiser, and that thing is just a hot mess. The worst part is you can mix-and-match parts with the other variants and create some truly hideous designs.

 

No. 4 – 31st Century ships Chronos/Eternal

9fcd76809e8d2bd4b5509a3b0d47dd4a1461693578This one is going to be interesting. Every time anyone asks for advice on what ships to buy, this pack invariably comes up. Frankly, I don’t disagree – these are all top-tier ships in terms of stats, but unfortunately they look like crap. I own this pack but I just couldn’t stand using them for long; they are not as much ugly as they are generic, uninspired, and boring! In fact I have Nessi flying the Eternal for a while because it was the best bet for a Klingon Science Captain, but I kept wanting to ditch the thing. If I can’t get excited about a ship in Star Trek Online, why am I playing, right?

No. 3 – Sphere-Builder Ships

spherebuilder-1024x594All the Sphere-Builder ship designs are terrible. ALL OF THEM. But for this list, I’m going to pick on this guy, the Denous class dreadnaught. I actually don’t even know where to start with this: it looks like some misshapen Borgified sex toy! What the hell, it even comes with a… giant… ball…. hanging beneath… oh never mind. I don’t want a R-rating on my blog. Next.

No. 2 – Krenim Ships

260px-krenim_imperium_vesselI’m going to sound like a broken record here, but… all the Krenim ships are terrible. ALL OF THEM. Yes, including the Annorax (which both looks and sounds like a designer brand of Anal Probe). Seriously, all the Krenim ships look like some sort of weird power tools, and the Krenim warship literally looks like it should be hauled away as garbage. Bleagh.

Krenim_tws

No. 1 – Enterprise-J

2b7852480cc2e6eb252ca53931e5d9db1488840538The number 1 spot predictably goes to the Enterprise-J! I absolutely loathe this thing! And I loathe its existence in STO as a playable ship. It’s a horrible design that shouldn’t have made it to the TV show, let alone the game when you can actually fly it. With its involvement in the Temporal Cold War, couldn’t they gone back in time and redesign this horrible eyesore?


Those are my picks. What are yours?

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11 thoughts on “Top 5 and Bottom 5 Star Trek Online Ships: Space Barbie Edition

  1. I mostly agree with your best and worst picks, except that I would’ve shown the “bad” first, then soothed the eyes and minds with the “good.”

    Re the Kelvin Connie, I agree that on the original (2258) version, the nacelles do look a little disproportionately large and spaced a bit too close together. I think if they were a little wider apart, like on the Kelvin Enterprise-A (what I call the “2263 refit”), it would look better.

    The Kelvin Connie is my main ship and I guess I like it so much because it takes that classic Connie shape and modernizes it, making it look sleeker and more advanced, like something much more plausible for the 23rd century than the old-school Connie from the Original Series episodes which have aged kinda horribly now that they’re about 50 years old.

    On that note, I hope we’ll get the Kelvin Connie variants such as the ’60 refit from the end of Into Darkness and Beyond (with the swept-back pylons, larger impulse engines, and slightly smaller nacelles) and the new ’63 refit (Enterprise-A) as available skins for the KT Connie in the ship tailor, because I have that ship and I like the new ’63 nacelles and pylons better.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s the Enterprise-A shown at the end of Beyond. I call it the ’63 refit because that’s when Beyond takes place and the new Enterprise was built at Starbase Yorktown (2263). I’ll see if I can find some decent photos or reference material on it.

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  2. I’m honestly surprised the Avenger didnt make the bad list. It doesn’t know if it wants to have a squared off or smooth look, so they just crammed them together. On the good list I rank the narcine as number 1. Such a unique and elegant design.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Really? I didn’t think the Avenger looks quite that bad. It’s compact and stubby for sure, lacks the elegant curves of most Starfleet designs, but not quite bottom of the barrel bad.

      By the way, I sent you a friends request in-game, in case you haven’t noticed it.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I will have to look for that the next time I am on! Since I work nights I am usually on late afternoon and into the evening(on days I don’t work).

        I think the avenger is a little too squat looking. The secondary hull needs to be stretched out more and the end should square off instead of a slope. Just my thoughts

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    2. I never liked the look of the Avenger either. The Arbiter skin for it is still pretty ugly but at least it’s an improvement over the Avenger imho. I do like the performance of it tho. I made my Avenger and Arbiter completely dark grey using the “Avenger” skin in the ship tailor to hide some of the ugliness.

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  3. Unlike most Trek fans, I loathe the whole saucer and nacelle design scheme, so pretty much every single Starfleet ship is the bottom of the barrel ship for me. KDFwise, I only like the Vo’quv and the Bortas’qu variants; the rest are just bland, which is also how I feel about most Rom ships.

    Personally I think the best of Star Trek ships have been the alien of the week/season ships. I’m a big fan of the Husnock ship (and all of it’s many kitbashed variants), APU cruiser, Vorgon, Tal Shiar, Vaadwaur, Tholian, Voth, and Hirogen ships.

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